Giving is doing a kindness
My thoughts on:
‘Give and Take. Why Helping Others Drives Our Success’ by Adam Grant
I have been taught to treat people the way I want to be treated myself. Be kind. Be nice. Help. Have I ever questioned its sense of purpose? No, not really. Have I ever hoped to get something in return? Sure. In fact, I have genuinely believed that this is what the statement was about in the first place: encouraging a matching mindset, show people what you want in order to get it, ergo give in order to be able to take. Well, this is not only extremely selfish, but also a completely wrong way to be successful as Adam Grant explains.
It is about the act of being of service for someone else, which means that it requires a set of two: a giver party and a receiver party. Truly selfless giving, so not just being the condition for later taking but being the end-goal by itself already, is strongly connected to feelings of empathy.
“All humans have the capacity to feel empathy [...] the emotion which we feel for the misery of others [and it] is by no means confined to the virtuous and humane, though perhaps [we] may feel it with the most exquisite sensibility.”
Adam Smith said: “All humans have the capacity to feel empathy.“ It is “the emotion which we feel for the misery of others [and it] is by no means confined to the virtuous and humane, though perhaps [we] may feel it with the most exquisite sensibility.“ I do not think we are using this power to its full potential. So far, I have the impression that we still misunderstand empathy. As a source of vulnerability we predominantly see empathy as a sign of weakness, while it actually captures the source of cooperative success - the only real success there is, when following Adam Grant’s philosophy. “The greater the need, and the stronger our attachment to the person experiencing it, the more we empathize“ and the more we experience a sense of oneness with the other person (Cialdini). Empathy helps us to take adequate perspective on issues and behaviors and allows us to identify with others in a way that enables us to put the group’s goals and mission first (= expedition behavior). We begin to show the same amount of concern for others as we do for ourselves. We become generous.
Maybe we should start teaching this instead:
Be human.
Empathize.
Give.
So, why again does empathy make women a weak link in the working world? Research shows that the more giving group members do, the higher the quantity and quality of their group’s products and services. This riffle effect is what defines a giver’s success: individual achievements that have a positive impact on others. Contributions become significant and lasting. Individual and collective success are connected; one does not come without the other. To me, this seems like the only way how to get to the top without cutting others down. The whole is greater than the sum of the single parts.
Adam Grant did a brilliant job explaining the differences between (otherish) giving, matching, taking, and faking, as well as illustrating the relationship between cooperative and individual success. His book was a real pleasure to read. Perhaps, it can be of value for you, too, if you are interested in: social interaction, leadership, office politics, communication, self-empowerment.
Maybe we should start teaching this instead: Be human. Empathize. Give.